Patriots Information: 1999 Season
Greetings, Salutations and Risibility! This page is intended for those fortunate few who
will occupy my additional ticket for each and every game. Since my eyes don't let me
drive and the sellouts don't let them attend, we work together to make the absolute most
of our Foxboro/Patriot experience together. As an incentive to help us make the most
of the day I've developed this little contest which should entirely be interpretted as a
means for US to have the most fun! While it is true that I do rank folks on
a point system, this rarely reflects overmuch on the effort or abilities of the person
joining me. Quite frankly luck and the team's performance are the two greatest
factors in how much fun we have. Certainly no effort can impact our fun negatively
but I've generally noticed that everyone puts in a great effort and those above factors
whittle the order of finish.
That said, I don't entirely enjoy doing a point assignment because frankly everyone puts a lot of effort into the day and I have a great time at almost every game. However there are some benefits to be had by the mock contest and it does make it easier to determine playoff games and game selection. As such I continue the process this year with the disclaimer that all of the efforts are equally appreciated. Likewise I look forward with great enthusiasm for each of our games. Through the years, the fundamental premise of our sojourn remains unchanged: a couple of friends getting together to make a highly entertaining and memorable event of each Patriots home game. The basic constituents are of course the minimum two individuals and of course the game. However this has become embellished over the years with the intent of maximizing our entertainment and creating a bit of competitive rivalry which provides some reasonable reward to the victors. In the proverbial nutshell: I rate the games for their entertainment value based on fun, BEvERages, fun, foods, fun and of course fun. The higher rankings have playoff options and preferred game selection for the following year. Many of you know well that value having joined me for a Jets game in December whose only redeeming feature was the battle for the first pick in the following year’s draft - not so these days as December brings other playoff caliber teams in the final tune (or Tuna as the case may be) up for those playoffs - not to mention that the Jets hold a bit extra incentive and talent these days :). So without further adieu, I bring you the highlighted changes and the new rating system for the ensuing year.
As always I provide tickets, pay for parking and supply a veritable plethora of tailgating supplies as per your request. You in turn are responsible for transportation, eats, drinks and entertainment -heck at your request I’ll finance or acquire the eats and drinks. It is clearly intended to have little to do with money and everything to do with enjoyment! The points reflect the emphasis on fun and thus if you are developing an itinerary or relying on spontaneity, realize that the points are in the fun WE (that being you the other attendee AND myself) have together. To enhance that aspect I am reasonably capable of supplying any item you can think of for our trip if you provide a little notice (like a week not an hour). So let me know at least one week before the game what items you want me to bring, the list standardly includes such items as: football, CANOPY!, table, grill, chairs and cooler but often encompasses TV, generator, SEGA etc. One of the more significant problems actually involves having room to transport the plethora of equipment I've collected over the years. Obviously I make do with the room we have and enjoyment always follows but it helps to have room to bring the tools for our trade! I do like a spectacle and I like our tailgate to be a spectacle that others enjoy. It attracts folks for us to meet and this always results in the swapping of stories, football thoughts and general good times. To me that is a major part of the day and I hope for you as well.
On that little topic of fun, here's a few notices of significance: no food or drink may be brought into the stadium, profanity and rowdy behavior will not be tolerated, smoking is not allowed and of course semiautomatics are likewise prohibited. In accordance with the rise in popularity there is a tightening of security's enforcement. Thus you'll note that game food and drink have been removed from the point totals and I am personally discouraging the acts of smuggling that have highlighted many a past game. Simply put, the enforced security reduces the worth-risk ratio sufficiently that I'd rather ensure each of your attendance beside me than have that smuggled bottle. Now it seems that snack food has been fully sanctioned by the Foxboro crew and it is only those items of an alcoholic nature or weapons of destruction (like Bino's Chili) which are being forbidden. While on that depressing topic I'll also give the SISsy notice (Statement of Intent for Sobriety) which is to say that amongst our food and drink before the game, I will intend to ensure that although I may reach some levels of alcohol induced euphoria, I wish to arrive at each game with a sufficient amount of sobriety such that my viewing is not impaired either by the alcohol, eviction or most especially the bars on the cell of Foxboro's holding tank. I doubt this will actually impact our fun but I wanted you all aware of the SISsy disclaimer.
Now, without further distraction, the highly touted, much anticipated 1999 rating system:
Arrival Time to My Location: (5 points)
I am prepared at your discretion but I make as much of a day as possible and enjoy sharing
every bit of that fun with my weekly guest. The Madden match of the day is infamous.
If the early hour is too much then join me the night before, I have the room for
you.
Traveling Fun: (5 points)
Never a wasted opportunity even in the commute. The stonefaced barely conscious approach
doesn’t match the buildup for our game. We drive places all the time but we only
drive to the game together once a year, let’s add some spectacle. Think theme
and think football!
Arrival Time: (5 points)
The timely admission to the lot is essential to my desired lot stability. When the lot
opens I like to be there and claiming Zip's Corner. This pays further dividends with
tailgate setup as well! Plan 4+ hours before the game as our arrival time... travel
time is roughly 1.2 hours for those travelling below the speed of light.
Tailgating Setup: (10 points)
Zip’s Lot Legend is building, be a part of it by enhancing the tailgate design. We
always have a grill and tables…be brave design something radical. The canopy is
near essential as well and small enough to be worthy of inclusion. What else will
draw people to us and make us stand out?
Tailgating Entertainment: (20 points)
Whether tossing the pigskin, shooting the bull or something innovative. The activities are
as important as the design. It could be cool talk, it could be stick the dart in Marino or
it could be coed Naked Twister - the key is that it should be fun for us definitely and
where possible and appropriate entertaining for the throng of our fellow tailgaters!
Note the naked aspect isn't necessarily appealing with the build of most Foxboro
tailgaters! Also be aware that my vision does somewhat hamper a few activities
although you likely won't hear me complain in attempting most anything!
BEvERages: (5 points)
Never underestimate the power of invigorative elixirs. Coupled with a theme can make this
a parking lot favorite. I always appreciate creativity and originality but let's
face it, you can't beat a Bruschi Brew!
Eats: (5 points)
Never mind healthy: raw gluttonous decadence rates big. Even larger are those cool
additions like "Buffalo Wings" or "Dolphin Steaks." Know the team we
are facing and let's 'feast' on them early and late! Basically a pre and post
game eating session occurs - while we dodge sitting in traffic lines. Simple snacks
around that keep us happy in the waiting times. No dietary restrictions exist on
Game Day!
Face painting: (5 points)
It’s become a trademark with nobody actually painting my eyeball in years! Now we
have film crews capturing the process and lines forming to join us!
Patriots Theme Song: (5 points)
These songs are performed any time you wish. They are words you make up to any song
you choose. The only catch is that you have to relate your reason for choosing said
song to me which should ideally have a Patriotic theme. Get me a copy in my email
before Game Day for 1 of the 5 points - thus I can manage to learn it and sing it with
you. Uncertain? Check old songs from days when I chose the themes.
Signage: (5 points)
For every game I want to have a cool sign made by my guest or more preferably by US.
I'm not vulgar and it must be Pro-Patriot or anti-opposition but done with class and
style. Making a sign gets you two points - use of it in the game gets you two points
- the final point is for signs worthy of appreciation!
Comprehensive Entertainment: (10 points)
Beginning to end, through and through, did the day kick-for both of us?
Style & Originality: (10 points)
Has it been done? Did it have flair ... did it win us women?
Bonus Points: (10 points)
These are awarded for individual acts of coolness above and beyond the call of duty such
as wearing patriots attire - a large category but you are on your own. Did you yell louder
than me through the entire game?